Because you know, it’s like you’re dying; turning forty. At least that’s the joke. Anyway, I had fun making this one. I hadn’t made a sheet cake in awhile, maybe not since Didier’s 39th birthday cake a year ago. The cake itself was a lemon sponge, the filling vanilla butt cream and fresh blueberries and raspberries. The coffin is made from the same, minus the berries, and glazed with chocolate and crusted with cocoa nibs. I made the tombstone out of chocolate shortbread.

The cake was well recieved, and the party was well attended; as all the Porteaud parties are. Kara and Didier Porteau are two of the most beloved people I know, an integral part of the family that adopted me at Ten-01. The party included much eating, drinking, and merriment, and I did a good amount of what I like to call “dancing.” Didier was a real sport about the cake, and there was much hugging and high-fiving long before I reached the “I love you man” stage, which was inevitable. When the numerous candles were finally blown out, we lowered the coffin into the grave before eating.

Lemon Sponge Cake

makes 6 1/2 sheet cakes

• 12 eggs
• 5 - 3/4 cups sugar
• 6 tsp vanilla
• 1 jar of mayonnaise
• 12 cups AP flour
• 4 - 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 - 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 3 - 1/2 cups milk
• 1 - 1/2 cups lemon juice
• zest of 8 lemons

Measure the eggs, sugar, vanilla, and salt into the bowl of a stand mixer. This probably won’t fit in your standard Kitchen Aid, you may want to halve it. Whip this mixture on medium high until light and fluffy, about 6-8 minutes. It can really just keep whipping. Whip the shit out of it as they say.

While the eggs are having the shit whipped out of them, sift together the AP flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Zest and juice the lemons. Measure the milk.

On low speed, add the wet and dry ingredients in three steps, alternating between the two. Start and end with the dry ingredients. When it’s all in, kick the mixer up to medium to ensure total incorporation.

Line six half sheet pans with parchment. Divide the batter evenly between the pans. I weigh each, 34 ounces is a nice amount for a layer. Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven until GBD, rotating once during baking; about 12 - 18 minutes total.

If you Google White Chocolate Flourless Cake, you don’t get shit. At least nothing use-able. I mean, almond flour is still a flour of sorts, and any recipe you find seems to use it. I wanted a flourless cake like my dark chocolate recipe;with a rich, fudge-like texture. If you look at my old ratio, it’s quite simple. Chocolate, butter, sugar, eggs, and water. I figured I’d start there. So white chocolate is basically sweetened cocoa butter and milk. Cocoa butter is fat, so I omitted the butter from the the OG recipe. White chocolate is sweet, too sweet for some, so I yanked the sugar. Water? Didn’t feel right. Cream felt right. So I used cream. I put the batter together like the OG, baked like the OG, bottomed it with crunchy layer and glazed it like the OG. What I ended up with; the guests who ate it and I determined, was a baked custard. The texture was like a thick pudding, a decadent “just-set” confection with a coma-inducing richness that left diners with glazed eyes and lolling heads. The plate had raspberry coulis, preserved lemon granita,  and crushed hazelnut brittle.

White Chocolate Flourless Cake

54 oz white chocolate

15 oz eggs

3/4 cup heavy cream

line a 1/4 sheet pan with parchment. Preheat the oven to 250 F.

melt the chocolate over a double boiler.

whisk together the eggs and cream.

when the chocolate is fully melted, whisk in the eggs. Scrape the bowl and whisk again, making sure all is incorporated and homogeneous.

transfer the batter to the prepared pan, and bake until GBD and set, about 45 minutes to an hour. Turn the oven off and let the cake finish inside, Chill thoroughly before glazing and portioning.

So here we are again, another blog post and another version of the ever evolving flourless chocolate cake.  Why do I continually return to this cake, faithful readers might ask?  And why do I do so many mother loving chocolate desserts already?  Well, my answer is this:  I fucking love chocolate, and a flourless cake is a clean way to showcase it’s decadence.  Served at room temperature this cake is smooth, rich as fuck, and chocolatey as a motherfucker.  In the past I’ve typically made this cake with Cocoa Barry 64% and it was good.  This past year I made the switch over to all things Valrhona and have never looked back.  The recipe below uses a combination of Jivara 40% and Couer de Guanaja 80% chocolates.  The result is a sweet and creamy smoothness with a nice strong bitter backbone.  I bake the shit in thin layers and hit the bottom with a crunchy layer of milk chocolate and feuilletine, then glaze the top with a ganache of sorts and then the milk chocolate decorative lines.  The cake itself is pretty standard, nothing I haven’t kind of done before.  The blood orange ice cream, yeah…you’ve seen it before.  The ice cream is perched on a simple chocolate tuile, which is stuck to the cake with an equally simple chocolate cremeaux.  The real joy in this plate for me is in the sauce.  Fernet Menta Caramel suckers!!   Again, not a huge deviance from the formula here, kids.  I been putting booze in caramel from the beginning.  But this is Fernet, and I’ve been wanting to work it into a dessert forever.  So here it is.  Also garnishing the plate is a mint foam, and what I think is a nice, subtle use of the ubiquitous mint leaf.

Valrhona Chocolate Flourless Cake

!5 oz Valrhona Jivara 35%

7 oz Valrhona Couer de Guanaja 80%

12 oz butter

11.25 oz egg

9 0z sugar

4.5 oz water

1. Preheat your convection oven to 275 F and prepare the desired mold.

2. Melt chocolate and butter over a double boiler.

3. Whisk together the eggs, sugar and water.

4. When the chocolate and butter are melted, whisk in the eggs until thoroughly incorporated.

5. Pour into the prepared mold and bake in a covered water bath until just set, like a cheesecake.

To review the methodology for this recipe click here.

Fernet Menta Caramel

12 oz sugar

5 oz corn syrup

6 oz butter

1.25 cups heavy cream

1/2 cup Fernet Menta

1. Weigh the sugar and corn syrup into a heavy bottomed sauce pot.  Caramelize according to your tastes.

2. Whisk in the butter, continue whisking until incorporated.

3. Whisk in the heavy cream until incorporated, return to a boil.

4. Pour the caramel through a strainer into a storage vessel.

5. When the caramel has cooled to room temperature, whisk in the fernet menta. Serve warm.

For the Blood Orange ice cream click here.

To see a video of me plating this bitch up, click here.

To see a video of a kitten riding a turtle, click here.

So one day I was thinking I’d make an apple cake.  Since I had never really made an apple cake, I turned to my good buddy Google and soon found this recipe on Group Recipes. Kate and I had gotten a Bakers Edge pan for Christmas and on a chilly winter evening soon after I first tried the Best Apple cake In 47 Years of cooking recipe.  At the restaurant I churched up this simple, outstanding, breakfasty cake into something a bit more.  Maybe another 47 years? Who can say without the benefit of time travel. The genius of the cake is it’s basic nature.  A true quick bread leavened with both eggs and baking soda you really just kind of mix it all up; not much to it.  When it comes out of the oven, let it sit for a few minutes ad then glaze it with the brown sugar glaze.  The smell stirs one to salivation, heads turn and sniff, they sniff-sniff.  I actually have a bit of a thing for the raw batter.  So anyway, give it a try.  I change up the recipe a little from the original: where it says 3 cups of apples I just slice three apples, Also and I brown the butter in the glaze before adding the sugar and cream.  At the restaurant I leave out the walnuts so people with “nut allergies” can order it too.  I get back at them by serving it with toasted walnut ice cream, sage caramel, brown butter struesel and candied walnuts.  I fucking love walnuts.  The sage powder is I cool trick I learned working with Chef Eric Suniga, a man of true kitchen prowess.  Pick a bunch of sage, pile up the leaves, and roll into into a blunt with plastic wrap.  Freeze rock solid and micro plane at service.

The Best Apple Cake in 47 Years of Cooking.

3 c flour

2 c sugar

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3 large eggs, beaten

1 c vegetable oil

1/2 c apple juice

2 tsps vanilla

3 finely sliced apples

1 c packed brown sugar

1/4 c butter

1/3 c whipping cream

Preheat The oven to 350. Grease and flour desired pan. (9×13 or 7 - 3X2″ cake pans)

• In a large bowl mix flour, sugar, soda & salt. Make a well in the center & set aside.

• In a medium bowl mix eggs, oil, apple juice & vanilla. Add the egg mixture to dry ingredients, just until moistened.  Add the apples and mix until homogeneous.

• Bake for 45-50 mins.

• In a small saucepan brown the butter, then in mix the brown sugar & cream. Cook & stir till bubbly & all of the sugar is dissolved. Cool slightly.

• Drizzle warm sauce over cake, when it has cooled for 5 minutes, so it can seep into the cake, keeping it moist.

Enjoy the Best Apple Cake (In 47 Years of Cooking) recipe.

Two thousand and motherfucking TEN?!? The future is now my faithful readers. I command the powers of the internet in my pants. I make ice cream base in an immersion circulator. As a race we fringe on symbiosis with technology; and I can’t wait to realize this next phase of evolution. Anyway, I been busy as shit.  The holidays kicked my ass; and with in-laws in town and hell of prep, plating and me plowing through it all it went by in a pop!  Shit 2009 was a pop, a bang, a blast, dice cast and rolled and truth be told past year was fucking fast. I turned thirty, I got married, I’ve become a half way decent pastry chef and an annoying blogger.  I’ve made some bad-assed desserts and also learned some killer savory food. Pretty standard actually.  Looking to the new year, I’m hoping to step up my game.  Turn it up to eleven so to speak.  I just need to work harder, cleaner.  The desserts will be smaller, more precise.  Flavors? Louder.  Here’s a recipe bitches.  I adapted it from one of the best recipes I’ve learned in a long time.

Graham Cracker Sponge Cake

250 g soft butter

375 g sugar

5 g salt

6 eggs

375 g fine ground graham cracker crumbs.

7.5 g baking powder

100 g A.P. flour

1.  Preheat your convection oven to 300 F.  Spray and line with parchment one half sheet pan.

2.  Cream the butter, sugar and salt light and fluffy in the bowl of a stand mixer.

3.  Weigh the crumbs, baking powder, and flour into a bowl and whisk them together well.

4.  Add the eggs 2 at a time, allowing the batter to fully absorb each addition of eggs.  Scrape the bowl twice during this step.

5.  Scape the bowl again and add the dry ingredients all at once.  Mix the batter on low speed until homogeneous.

6.  Transfer the batter to the prepared pan and bake 12 minutes, rotate the pans, and bake an additional 6 to 8 minutes, or until golden brown and springy.  Use as a base for a no bake cheesecake or serve it warm with a cream cheese ice cream.

Emeril Lagasse’s Milk Chocolate Cheesecake

3 pounds cream cheese, softened

2 cups sugar

6 large eggs

1 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup bleached all-purpose flour

Pinch of salt

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

10 ounces milk chocolate, melted

Beat the cream cheese in a food processor until smooth. Add the sugar and process. Add the eggs 1 at a time, running the processor in between each addition. Add the heavy cream, flour, salt, and vanilla and process until smooth, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. With the motor running, add the chocolate in a steady stream. Pour the mixture into the prepared pan. Bake (in a water bath) until the center of the cake sets, about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Oreo Cookie

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

8 oz soft butter

1 tsp salt

1 tblsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup cocoa powder

2 1/2 cups A.P. Flour

Cream the butter, salt and sugar well, but not to light and fluffy

Sift in the flour and cocoa powder, then mix to form a dough

Cover with plastic and chill at least one hour before rolling on a floured surface and cutting out cookies

Bake at 350 for 12 minutes